REMEMBER IT’S HEALTHY TO SAY NO SOMETIMES
Most often, we find it hard to say NO to people in their faces. We usually feel that it is important to maintain relationships with certain people despite how much it may cost us. But are such relationships worth keeping?
Saying ‘No’ just as saying ‘Yes’ has positive and negative sides. Each time you are face with a request or a decision, you need to weigh both sides and choose what is best for you or for the relationship at the time. Do not feel if you say no to people and certain things at some point in your life, you are making a mistake or you would be the odd one out in a group.
Importance of Saying “NO”
- Saying NO gives you the ability to make decisions When you say no to things, it is giving you the power to make choices for yourself. It means you have become capable enough to stay firm with your selections and preferences. When we say no, it means that we are making our lives less complicated and tension-free.
- Saying no helps you feel empowered, while still maintaining your relationships with others (because you don’t harbor feelings of resentment).
- Saying no helps you establish healthy boundaries and enables others to have clarity about what they can expect from you.
- Saying no, helps you prioritize your own deadlines, needs, and desires, and is an important step on the road to self-care.
- Saying no, especially when it’s uncomfortable to do so, is one of the most powerful steps you can take in your own personal growth.
- Being able to say no may enable you to be more honest and authentic with others. You may be less likely to feel taken advantage of, and people may learn to come to you for the things to which you are more inclined to say yes to.
The Effects of Not Saying “NO”
- If you always agree to tasks when you want to decline then you’re likely to feel angry towards the other person even though they haven’t done anything wrong.
- You may become gradually more frustrated with yourself.
- By taking on more demands than you can cope with you become overwhelmed and very stressed. (This can all lead to experiencing depression and/or anxiety.)
- Always saying yes may cause you to loose respect as others may think of you as a push over.
Here are some suggestions to help you master the art of saying ‘No’ that you can put into practice today.
- ‘No’ as a complete sentence: “No, thank you” or “No, thank you. I won’t be able to.” (Say it, don’t apologize, then shut up.)
- Vague but firm: “Thank you for asking me, but that is not going to work for me.”
- Referral/Delegation: “I won’t be able to, but why don’t you ask Joe? I bet he’ll be able to.”
- Last Minute Boundary: “I can’t add anything onto my calendar this month, but the next time you’re planning to go _____, let me know as soon as you can because I would love to go with you.”
- It’s Not Personal: “Thank you for thinking of me, but I am not doing any interviews this quarter while I am focusing on starting my new project.”
- Showing Gratitude: I’m so touched that you thought of me and I appreciate your enthusiasm and support. I’m sorry I won’t be able to help out at this time.”
- Gracious:“I truly appreciate your asking, but my time is already committed.”
- Word of Mouth Is the Best Recommendation:“I won’t be able to, but let me recommend someone to you who would be able to help you.”
Remember that you have the right to voice your opinions and if you really struggle to say “no” it’s likely that you’re overestimating the difficulty the other person will have in accepting your refusal which is not mentally healthy.
“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.”
- Josh Billing