It’s good to help others but putting people first before yourself is unhealthy, especially when the people in the long run may show signs of ingratitude toward all that has been done for them. However, it is difficult to say no to certain people when they need your help or time as you feel you need to reciprocate their kind gesture.
People pleasers always feel bad for saying no to people. Being such a person always gets you emotionally drained and even more when you do not get favors in return from people you have been sacrificing for.
Here are five tips that will help you stop being a people-pleaser
- Think about how you are a people pleaser.
Do you remember any event from your childhood where you had to fit in, were bullied or manipulated? Hence, you felt you had to always do as people wanted to have no issues with them or enjoy the feeling of you belonging to a particular group? Assess yourself and your dealings with everyone, then you could deduce whether you are a people pleaser or not.
- Learn to say “NO”
It is okay to put yourself first and say “no” if someone asks you for something you do not want to do, or they ask you for something impossible. Most of the time people- pleasing can become a bad habit that can be worked on by learning how to say “no”. You need to remind yourself that saying “no” does not mean you are selfish, it is also a form of self-care.
- Setting healthy boundaries
This can help you to remain true to yourself without feeling the need to please everyone. Even though it might seem difficult at first, it is very important to identify certain things in your life that need to change. Make a list of everything that you do that makes you happy or unhappy in order of priority. Then you can start tackling those things that do not make you happy. For instance, if your friend asks you to buy him or her an item and bring it over to his or her house at 9 pm, you should politely say no to this friend in question as the time is not favourable and it exceeds your bounds.
- Make yourself a priority
This is about understanding what you want out of life, making that your priority and then getting it by not putting the needs of others first all the time. This cycle can be hard to break but is very important and must be seriously considered if you want to be happy and healthy. You should always put yourself first even if it means making someone disappointed because you are not able to do as they please.
- Be honest about your feelings
In life, you will face rejection at a point, but you need to be ready for that. However, if you are honest with your feelings, it will go a long way to open new doors of great opportunities for you. You must let people know your true intentions behind what you say. Being open about your feelings also helps the people around you to understand you better.
Every mutually beneficial relationship requires reciprocity. Everyone wants to be helped and must be ready to help another when need be. So, remember that you deserve happiness too if you have been feeling exhausted and sad because of the people you have gone out of your way to please. This is the time you ought to resolve to put yourself first.
